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Thursday, 11 September 2014

'Communication is Key.'

When you're in a relationship of any kind, everyone always tells you that 'communication is key'. Seriously, I've heard it so much that sometimes I want to yell at whoever it is lecturing me. But it's true - even more so when you're in a long-distance relationship. I wrote this guide to LDRs a couple months ago and just like the saying goes, 'Communication' was my fool-proof my first step. But what I didn't focus on back then is just how hard it can be.
Sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk. When I'm having a bad day, I can find it all a bit much. I'll literally want to curl up in bed and distract myself with Netflix - my Bloglovin' feed works like a charm. But today I'm trying something new - I writing a post about it.
It's so easy to push away the people you love most. I'm constantly aware of how unfair this is on Jonny. I expect him to know when I'm struggling but don't talk to him about it. It's frustrating for both of us. Like I wrote in my LDR guide, Jonny's visits feel like a couples mini break which is great. But I failed to mention back then how agonising it is not knowing when you'll next see your other half. There are days, like today, when I just need him here. I hate being the person who glares at couples kissing in the street - and it's not even because of the PDA, it's because I'm resentful that I can't do that. I get to be with Jonny for a few days here and there every so often.
As I wrote here, I suffer from anxiety and I like having routine in my life. I'm at my worst when I don't have anything productive to do - writing LydiaLulu has helped me enormously the past few months. So naturally when I don't know when I'll next see him, I get upset. These relationships can only work if you have something to look forward to. It's hard being in a long-term, long-distance relationship but going about your everyday life as if you're a single girl. I no longer feel guilty when the barista at my local coffee house flirts with me. I suppose I'm just fed up - sometimes it's hard trying to think clearly through a muggy long-distance haze.
I know that I should be telling him all this, and I mostly already have, but I thought it was important to include it here on LydiaLulu. We live in the age of the internet, where we edit our lives for consumption. A few months ago I ranted wrote about how Facebook fails to present a realistic portrait of our everyday lives. Our 'friends' can emulate a nostalgic movie montage of never-ending glamourous nights out on their Facebook pages - while we, on the other hand, remain green with envy while scrolling through our News Feeds out of boredom. I don't want LydiaLulu to turn into an artificial, yet oh-so-perfect, version of my life. I want to include these kinds of posts, where everything isn't perfect, because it's still my life. It doesn't mean that Jonny and I are heading for a break-up - it's just my way of dealing with some of the difficulties that come with long-distance love. After all, I've learnt that writing is incredibly therapeutic.

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